This is a question I first asked when I was 4 years old. And the answers I got… Mathematical Deduction: No one had a fucking clue. When every single person failed to answer the question plainly, then no one knew. The most common answer I got was “God is Love.”
But God was a Jealous God. And Jealousy was the Green Eyed Monster of Possession so… Love was Possession?
Not good enough for me.
God was not love, I decided, or the people who gave me that answer were mindlessly parroting a book that they knew nothing about.
So what is Love?
I remember Oliver! the Musical. “Where Is Love?”
The boy sings about Love, never having seen it, he couldn’t recognize it even if it came to him.
My Connection that I have with my… Most Precious Person… is very unique.
He and I found each other and connected June 2021. Within a few months whatever we had was different. We turned to the Words from Society to Define it. And the words available were wrong. All of the words available were wrong. And what we both had, neither one of us had seen before.
The words shaped our expectations and we began following “The Norm” of Society, which was all wrong for us and it didn’t match us at all or this “thing” that had formed between us. Over the next 3 years, we both took turns carrying this “thing” as if an Infant was shared between us. We both valued it, loved it, cherished it… and had no idea what “it” was.
No words existed for the Feeling, the State of Mind, or the Mindset. It was a Plane within the Abstract we had found together that no one else could access. And we both had one thought: Whatever this is, it was rare, beautiful, precious, and so very, very valued by us both.
Our Mental Illness rose up in Fear and battled with our Ethics and Identities. It became a battle between Fear vs. Ethics and Identity. All the words between us failed us both. And this single “thing” like a gem, glowed strong… But what is it!? We changed our names and labels. We tried on different things.
We both grew tired and we still took turns to carry this gem we had shared. No matter how bad things got, one thing was very clear to us both: The beautiful moments between us were so beautiful that they outshone the horrible moments. And the horrible moments were horrific, which only served as a metric for how beautiful, how absolutely beautiful those moments were. And we valued those beautiful moments.
The horrific moments came to an end, and the battle we endured together passed. And still, after everything else, all else between us was stripped away, all that remained was this glowing “orb” of light. “What is it?” I asked. “What is this and Why?”
After three long years, when all else has been stripped away, and he and I stood before each other as equals, the “Name” of this thing finally came to me.
“Intimacy, which is Love and Value and Beauty.” It is the Value of this thing so precious and so rare that, no matter how bad things got, this Beautiful “thing” we shared and nurtured together outshone and out lasted all of it. So that when Friendship and Partner and Wife and Husband and Lover is all stripped away and all that is left is the Feeling of Value and Love for this “Beauty” that is Intimacy… And our shared Value and Love for this beautiful thing called “Intimacy,” this Gentle and Tender Intimacy, it connects us… This is the Purpose for Us.
This is Love.
To stand naked and raw, Vulnerable and Real with the other that you know them and still Accept them and also, in our worst of times, in the most horrible of moments between us, this Intimate Beauty was so beautiful that we shared in the value of it. No other reason ever needs to be than this.
This is Love.
And it needs no Name. It needs no nurturing. It Self-Nurtures and grows on its own. But this world is so filled with hate and loathing that people don’t even know what this is or what it looks like. And he and I have suffered so greatly that it too him decades to find it just once. And it too took me 40+ years to even recognize it.
That is how rare Love is in this world.
That when we find it, we both said, “I can’t handle one more heartbreak. I can’t handle one more dream or hope. I have to know what this is if I am going to trust it because I cannot handle one more heartbreak. So what is this because I have been wrong before. And this is different than all else before it. So what is this?”
And it took us three years to even realize what it was.
It is Love.
So for those of you who don’t know what Love is, and you are looking for it so you too can know it when you find it, It is a white ball of pure light. A force. Much like a Warp Core powered by a Dilithium Crystal. It requires no Nurturing, Work, or anything to grow. It is EASY. Too easy. No matter how hard it gets, it is the easiest thing you will ever experience. It needs no labels or names. It exists purely outside of the System. It is 100% Absolute Freedom.
The Connection that it forms is so solid, strong, and fast that all you need is to stand on equal footing with your Perfect Tone, exactly like the other prong of a tuning fork.
So that when you stand maskless, naked, raw, and vulnerable together, you have Synergy. And this happens so quickly that in only 2 weeks or less time it is there. It is too easy. It is too smooth. It is without effort. It is without emotion. It is a feeling of “Hello. I’ve been looking for you. And I have missed you.” You put your bags down and you feel, “I am Home.”
And then you open and you connect and you share like you have never opened and shared.
But Fear can still happen, and if that does happen then you two are in for a VERY rough ride.
But if you can trust the other. If you can endure the Fear Cleanse, then all that will be remaining in the end is this gem of pure Value, Intimacy, Love, Beauty, and Connection. And all of these things exist without any profit or gain. And any time one of you puts it down, the other will pick it up.
And you will wander about, looking for a Mindset to “plant” it.
But, before you do, as you stand on the Plateau of Equal Footing, you will extend your Self-Preservation out to include this Very Special Person who connected so easily to you. And they too will extend their Self-Preservation out to also include you in their Self-Preservation. And this is Integrated Love. It is 1+1+Synergy//One Parent. And then the two of you will move as One. 100% Absolutely Free of the other, Independent, and without any Need or Fear.
And the Purpose of Us is what you will seek. And it will be a Connection you will never need to nurture. It will all just Be. And this “Core” will bring out such a natural Connection between the both of you that the most Beautiful Gentle, Tender, Synchronized Intimacy will be created, and you will both recognize how rare that is that you will Value you and Preserve it. And with it, you will both have 100% Absolute Freedom.
And it will have no name. For it exists outside of Name.
This is Love.
And when you are ready the Universe will connect you to yours.
It is a State of Mind. A Mindset that exists only in Feeling and Knowing. And if you can’t explain it because words are too small for this, then… Then you will Know Love.
And there, in that Mindset, Fear does not exist. Only Trust. Pure Trust, Vulnerability, and Passive Joy, Peace, and Contentment.
This is Love.
And anyone who knows this will never, ever give it Name because those who know true Integrated Love would never, Never have a need to call it by Name.
It is a Mindset. A State of Being. And either you share it with your Most Precious Person or you don’t.