The Self Divided : Civil Divide vs. Union.
I want to return to this statement:
“In short, the Abuser convinces the Target to betray the Self.”
Oh, how true this is. In further dissection of Trauma and Abuse, this truth, this one statement is the beating pulse of every Trauma ever endured.
The Target betrays the Self.
This is the Logical Truth that saved my Mind from Rape Trauma in May 2023. Knowing this, during that particular rape, when I told the rapist, “I think I’ve been roofied,” instead of stopping to investigate, he laughed and gaslighted me with, “You’ve had too much weed.”
Immediately, I felt my Subconscious Mind ask, “Did I?”
And there is the Self-Doubt. The Self-Question. Instantly, it had begun.
“He gaslighted you. You’ve had weed. This is different. MUCH different. You are locked in a basement without a cell signal. You were a slave. This *should* be sending you into a panic, but you are not. Because you have been DRUGGED. You expressed a concern that you had been roofied and he didn’t stop. Think, Anna. Think.”
My Intuition and Logical Comprehension said all of this to me during the rape, right after I told him that “I think I’ve been roofied.”
But I argued, “Did I? Why didn’t he stop? Why did he contradict me?”
“You’re too drugged to consent and he knew it,” my Subconscious Mind rationalized. “You’re so drugged you threw up and he was ready for it. Because he has done this
before. He knew you would throw up. He is having sex with you anyway. You’re so drugged, they had to carry you downstairs, and he knew it. And he is having sex with you anyway. Think Anna.”
It did not matter the sex.
It did not matter the pain.
It did not matter the lack of Sober Consent.
What would determine the Trauma was the loyalty of my Subconscious Mind to my Self. My Logic (I did not provide Sober Consent) contradicted my Autonomy.
It was the betrayal of the Autonomy that would determine Mental Illness and Trauma, and I knew this. The Self-Divided is what causes Mental Illness because of the Physics.
A Self-System has its own Authentic Frequency. A Natural Frequency. His lie, his belief contradicted my Logical Comprehension and Truth and introduced an Invasive Frequency into my system. Like two Resonators, each with their own Frequency, his words penetrated my Logical Truth.
Instantly, they were incompatible due to disagreement, resulting in Out-Of-Phase Signals. Two incompatible frequencies resonating that closely together (within the Self), results in Friction… which results in “breakage.” In this case, what would break is the Weaker Frequency. My Self, my Story, my Logical Comprehension, or his Lie, his Adamance that *I* had too much weed, his actions that dismissed my objections.
If I submitted to his lies, it would be my Self that would Divide because my Logical Comprehension has already chosen to side against him. Agreeing with him would not change my Logical Truth.
My Logical Truth produced its own Ethical Frequency and was Out-Of-Phase with his Invasive Lie. My System had to reject his Lie or my System would shatter. I was 6 weeks into Multiple Personality Integration. I knew PRECISELY the cost of a Divided Self, and the “Ingredients” and requirements to PRESERVE the United Self.
I had a lot more at risk to lose than he did.
My Autonomy HAD to stay UNITED with my Logic. I HAD to Trust my Logic.
Bottom line. Trust is the determining factor. Trust and Faith in my Logic. And *this* is where “Faith” comes into the Self. Faith in your own Logical Skills. Faith in your own Logical Deduction. Faith in your own Argument. Faith in your own Proof.
Faith in your own Proof. Good god, those words have been needed to be said for a very long time.
In a healthy, aligned and balanced equilibrium, Faith is part of Proof. Faith is a required part of Proof. If you doubt your own skills to form a Logical Proof via your Premise, you will forever question your Conclusion, and thus, your Perspective, and thus your Reality.
It took me 10 days to rid myself of the Self-Doubt with my Logic and my Faith in my Reasoning, and I argued against 2 accomplices who gaslighted me. The rapist who gaslighted me. Friends who screamed at me for not pressing charges. And a community of “friends” who ostracized me for “being a whistle blower” and “having a problem” with being raped. But I knew it was my Trust and Faith in my Logic that would mean the difference between Sanity and Trauma.
It is the misalignment and the Civil Divide within the Self that leads to Trauma and Mental Illness. And *NOT* the Abuse. We are Logical. Whatever we decide, we must be unanimous. For a union divided cannot stand. And the Self is a Parent System made up of Multiple Integrated Components.
Trauma occurs when the Integrated Components of the Parent Self divide.
Art and Science and Logic and Truth
A Union Divided cannot stand.
And the Self is, in fact, a Union of the 7 Part Mental System.
The Identity, The Ethics and defined Values, the Logic, the Ego, the Self-Preservation, the Faith, the Trust, the Belief, the Intuition, the Authority, and the Autonomy must all be unanimous.
This is The Aligned Self.
Anything less creates Cognitive Dissonance, which is Out-Of-Phase Signals.
But what factors and elements all make up the Self?
We have a Right Brain that commands Art, Imagination, Language, Comprehension, and Creativity.
We have a Left Brain that commands Science, Math, Logic, and Physics.
An Intuition that reads the Math, Rhythms, Physics, Frequencies, and Logic of this world.
A Perspective that is the Integrated Summation of these Elements condensed into our Personal Logic and Truth.
This is our Story.
And it must be United.
I cannot begin to tell you the importance of this Truth. That an Individual’s Sanity, Reality, Existence, Health is entirely dependent upon the Formidable Alignment of the Self.
And the core of this Alignment is Identity (Love), Autonomy, Self-Authority, and Logic (Our Defined Truth).
A Scientist who rejects Art and Imagination is an individual who rejects their entire Right brain. An Artist or Religious Person who rejects Science rejects their entire Left brain. How can this not result in Civil Divide?