What a Healthy 1st Ethical Perspective Looks Like : 

The 1st Perspective is 1 years to 2 years old. They are Cautious and hang out close to Mummy. They are Independent and show signs of Exploration, but they will stay close to home.

They Challenge themselves by pushing their own Boundaries, expanding the size of their Comfort Zone. They Dance, Color, Draw, Listen to Music, Sing, Bang on Pots, and are very Curious. 

Curiosity constantly drives them, but they may not ask “Why” all the time yet.

The 1st Ethic is 1/3rd of “The Learning Triad.” This means that they are Indulging on “A.” This is VITAL to their Mental Health and Growth.

Indulge on “A” is the first Stage of Mastering The Learning Triad.

The Trial of The 1st Ethic

To endure the Discomfort of Boredom to Activate their Sense of Adventure, and to overcome Vulnerability with Courage.

The Value of The 1st Ethic

The Approval of their Caregiver.

What a Traumatized 1st Ethical Perspective Looks Like :

A Traumatized 1st Ethical Perspective will not Imagine. They will lack Identity, Creativity, Motivation, and display Helplessness. 

In 100% of all cases The Indulge “A” Learning Triad was ended too soon, forcing the Child into Indulge “B” prematurely, which Traumatized the Child. They never learned how to Self-Nourish.

This results in an Adult who is an Avoidant. Who has learned that they have no Control or Power of Choice. 

They struggle with Communication, Emotions, Learning, and Growth. They believe they are helpless and cannot grow. They believe they are not worthy of Love.

What Happened?

A Caregiver Emotionally neglected this Child too much or Enabled this Child too much during the Indulge “A” Stage. The Child learned not to be Needy, how to take care of others, and never learned how to take care of themselves.

The Child never learned how to Self-Nourish or Self-Regulate their own Needs, leaving themselves a burden to others resulting in Hyper Independence (Never asking for help) while also being severely Dependent (Living at home and unable to get a job).

Symptoms?

• Addiction
• Avoidant Behavior
• Depression
• Obedience
• No Conflict Tolerance
• Suicidal Ideation
• Silent
• Passive and Indifferent about a lot 
• Struggle keeping a job
• Social Paralysis

How to fix this if it’s you?

Education on what went wrong and why. That this was not at all your fault. Self Love is required. You must put yourself back into Self-Nourishment and set small goals for yourself while also educating yourself on the situation. 

You must seek Therapy or make the Decision to Grow. You must learn that Conflict is okay. That Love does not mean what you think it means. That Communication is required for you to learn.

Research about Avoidants. You need to learn about Addictions also. I have a book for that and we have Courses for this.

Go easy on yourself. You must learn how to come out of your Shell. 

How to fix this if it’s a Loved One?

You stand by them no matter what. Do not enable them. Give them Space. They need Space. Their biggest battle is themselves. They need support, but don’t treat them like their on a death bed. They STRUGGLE with Communication and Words. 

Go NO CONTACT! Not even texting. You most likely are an Anxious Attachment Style. Research it. You can do A LOT to support and Empower your Loved One. But THEY have to do the work.

Your Loved One did not learn how to Regulate Conflict, so they have a “Silence” and “Withdraw” Coping Skill instead. Focusing on yourself. This will take the pressure off of them. Chances are you are a 2nd Ethic.