Before and After : The AIDNS

I woke this morning and laid in bed. It is 2 February 2024. I am in the 3rd Perspective of the You of I. And it was 6:40 or so in Brooklyn, NY. I did what I do every morning. I scanned my AIDNS, evaluating my Mental Prosthetic for any and all adjustments that may be required after Overnight Processing. Upon assessing that everything was in working order, I got up and started my day with my morning coffee. 

If you are new to my work, there may be a lot in that paragraph that you may not yet understand. Assuming you are new to my work, I will explain.

A year ago, I was a Mental mess. 40 years of severe and varied traumas had been the “blueprints” that outlined the engineering of my behavior, which reflected only the 40 years of trauma-programming that dictated my every decision, action, and reaction.

This afternoon I sifted through piles of papers, coming upon old research notes, journals, and letters I had written at the height of my Mental Illness. In an instant, I psychoanalyzed my former mind, and I saw just how truly ill, how desperate I was. 

 My words came to me from the mental maze of madness. I had figured out that “something was wrong,” but lacked perspective, Truth, Data, and the ability to shift from 1st Person Point of View into Omniscience to view all of my components as components. The not-knowing was a mystery to my logical Intuition that allowed me to “sense” that something was up. But a lack of comprehension and education left me at the mercy of the lies and deceptions of my abusers. I could not properly gauge the situation for what it was. 

It was like my abusers amputated both of my legs at birth and blinded me so that I could not see that my legs weren’t there. And then, for 40 years, they beat me and abused me for not running alongside them or “keeping up.”

They called me insane, crazy, and stupid all because I could not run. Because I kept falling, stumbling, crawling, and dragging myself along the ground. In 1995, at 15 years old, I felt like “something” was up. I wondered why I couldn’t “run.” and so began my journey into self-examination to determine what was “wrong” with me. 

In 2023, I finally gave name to what was “wrong” with me. “Oh! I have no legs! And they lied to me! They amputated my legs, blinded me, and then punished me for being the different that they made me. I set to work on the AIDNS; a Mental Prosthetic that would allow me to function perfectly as if I had never been traumatized. And, April 2023, I fitted my mind with the AIDNS. 

Every month, every week, every day, I adjusted it. And on 16 December 2023, I made my last adjustment. Still, every morning, I wake and assess it. Now and then, I invent a new If/Then Clause to upgrade the AIDNS. 

Having the AIDNS fitted into my mind was like having legs and eyes for the first time in my life. I ran. I played. I did all the things… I quickly forgot that I ever had lived without eyes or legs. Until today. When I looked through these old papers. And I read the journals, letters, and poems of a legless, blinded lost me, crying out and screaming with insanities, desperate to understand why I couldn’t run. 

I feel like a freak. And I had forgotten that I wasn’t born this way. I had forgotten 40 years of trauma ever even existed or were part of my life. Until I saw those papers. I immediately sorted through them, throwing much of them away. Wanting no evidence of my living hell. I imagine in another month, I’ll have forgotten again that I ever lived without my AIDNS. 

Today, I function too efficiently for my behavior to be “natural.” I forgot that my behavior is a polished synthetic from the prosthetic I invented that allows me to function. “A Functioning Freak,” I called myself. “I never will be normal after all.” All of us are freaks. Most of us are Dysfunctional. 

I see the next three Generations. The adults, Gen X and Millennials, who will learn to run and see with the AIDNS. Our children, Generation Z, the children of today who will learn early enough how to run and see with the AIDNS, and then the Alpha Generation, who will be the first Generation born with the AIDNS naturally planted by Mother Nature, and finally, untouched by parents and teachers who think they know better than The Nourishing Mother. 

I see the Alpha Generation growing up, being flabbergasted that Mental Illness ever existed. “How could you not know the AIDNS?” And us, grandparents, explaining to them what Mental Illness was, much like how Gen X today tries to explain a Phone Jack to Gen Z.

“The world once was blind and legless,” we will say. “And, we all lost our calibrated metric with which to live by. And so, we have the AIDNS now so we could calibrate our metric and live properly and true to Nature. For me, it is a prosthetic, but for you,” we will say to younger generations, “it is a way of life. And may you never forget it.”

The AIDNS allows the blind to see in the dark and provides the legs so that you can run toward the light.        

15 July 2024

I no longer scan my AIDNS. I have forgotten that my Subconscious Mind is a Prosthetic. I now explain my “quirks” as, “I grew up in the Ancient Greek Educational System and my Subconscious Mind runs on Purified Logic.”

I don’t meditate. 

I don’t do self-care. 

I do Manifest, but only for answers and directions. 

The Logic of my Subconscious Mind now hums and runs on its own. I use the 4th Ethic to discern who should and should not be allowed access to me.

My days are on a constant rotation of Write, Podcast, Converse, Contemplate, Plan, Think, Play, Lounge, Learn, Analyze, Assess. 

Twice a day, I clean out my RAS. Every night, before bed, I recalibrate my Perspective and realign to Truth. 

I no longer am affected by the Opinions or Beliefs or Logical Fallacy of others. 

I still can’t believe how much I have forgotten that I was ever abused or that my Subconscious Mind is a Prosthetic.