The Stages of Grief…
This term always bothered me. Through my Perspective, I always saw Grief as one of three options, but no one ever talked about the other two options or the Complete process.
The other Perspectives were always only interested in the Five Stages. I don’t fault them. It’s interesting to me. To see the world through their eyes for a short time.
And I do. I see it for this moment… Where they are standing, they can only see this one option and no others.
“In my Perspective…” “In other Perspectives…” I want to make those terms mainstream.
I’m depressed today.
Not “I have Depression” depressed.
I am in the “Stages of Grief” depression.
It’s the “fall back” that always (yes… always”) occurs after a wave of Anger. My brain had a surge of Adrenaline yesterday, and this is the chemical consequence. I am coming off of my Adrenaline High from yesterday.
I believe, in all cases, emotions are chemicals in the brain working. I had a friend who was a neuroscientist who studied the effects of pain and pleasure on the body and brain.
As a BDSM Mistress, I called him up one day and drilled him. “We need to talk. Tell me what happens in the brain during pain and pleasure… and, don’t dumb this down for me please. I am one smart cookie.”
And he didn’t. He explained EXACTLY what happened in the brain between pain and pleasure. Oh. That was a game changer for my BDSM.
But back to Depression…
Some Depression is the chemical withdraw of the Adrenaline. Others are the imbalance where your body doesn’t produce enough happy hormones… But I’m more interested in the Why and the solution.
Today is simply the Adrenaline Withdraw. So I’ve turned inward and reflected.
The Stages of Grief are actually part of a bigger thing happening. It’s the Stages of Perspective Processing. That is what I call “The Stages of Grief” and the “Stages of Perspective Processing” covers the full picture of what is going on with all the different emotional pathways.
1 – Shock and Surprise… The stage where new information (Data that is going to be PROCESSED INTO A BELIEF) is presented to change our perspective. It’s always the, “Oh! We’re moving again!?”
2 – The Negotiation Stage. “Are you sure?” lol… I love this stage. It’s the moment you assess the information because Processing is a PROCESS and it requires a LOT of energy. Is this a prank? Is this a misunderstanding? Are you sure? THIS is where people argue, defend, or resist. THIS right here is where we go to war or lay down and accept.
The reason for the resistance is to preserve the need for change. Or maybe you REALLY REALLY LIKE where you are and you don’t WANT to change. If someone struggles with acceptance, right here is where it takes place.
3 – Evaluation – This is the Stage where you decide to proceed with Processing the Data into a Belief, but you are not yet sure what the information will do to the System. Is this a positive change or a negative change?
Our Perspectives are like these GIANT telescopes with a knob that shifts the lens by degrees one way or another. Negative changes are losses, positive changes are gains. No changes are neutral adjustments.
Just because there is change, does not mean immediate change to YOU. It’s just data… like finding our your sister is pregnant. It has NO affect on YOU, but it’s change. Just not YOUR change. So your Perspective would, pretty much, stay the same.
4 – The Evaluation Stage COULD activate your Defense System. If there is a loss or a vast positive change that requires the Perspective to shift too much, this can cause harm to the System. This is when we see Anger or Elation. Anger, which is the Mindset that you’re ready to defend the unit to protect it.
Or Elation in celebration because you just received a positive gain. Communicating the upset and Boundary setting to protect the Unit is the proper solution to this to keep the Anger from alerting the Fear System.
“FINE! We can go forward! BUT DO NOT hurt me in the process!”
5 – Scarcity vs. Abundance Stage or “Inventory” Stage – This is when we have concluded that there will be loss or gain, but HOW MUCH is yet to be decided.
This is when our relationship with Scarcity and Abundance gets activated. When we Manifest, THIS is the Stage we are manipulating (SOOOO much information in my head about this stage. I’ll be covering this in my Manifestation classes coming up).
If you were raised in a Scarcity lifestyle, then this will be turned on HIGH. If you were raised in an Abundance lifestyle, this will be turned on HIGH. In most cases, Scarcity is the activated featured because most people are impoverished.
Too little love.
Too little attention.
Too little time.
Too little money.
Too little food.
Too little safety.
Too little safety.
Too little safety.
Too little safety.
THIS is where the Data BECOMES the Belief. THIS IS IMPORTANT. More on this in a moment…
Once you assess your losses and gains, you should feel “happy” for the gains or “sad” for the loss. In both cases, Elation or Anger, you will feel a Chemical Withdraw in your brain that leads to…
6 – Depression. This should be a short dip from the withdrawal.
In the case of Clinical Depression, the Belief that was accepted has changed the Perspective to Conclude an IMPROBABLE FICTION that produces such a significant loss, that Depression is permanent. This occurred because FEAR interfered with Processing. And now your Perspective has a FEAR-BASED BELIEF within the Cognitive Core.
This occurs DURING processing, when the Fear System takes over and inserts a SECOND WAVE OF DATA into the Cognitive Core that gets processed BEHIND the Cognitive Core Processing and alters the Perspective to reflect:
1 – The New Data and
2 – The Fear-Based Improbably Fiction
7 – Normalization – Stabilization. In this stage, the Unit adapts to the new information and things settle and adjust to accommodate the changes.
A new baby is my favorite example in this because a person has 10 months to adjust to the arrival of a child. As a result, Processing is SMOOTH because the Unit has 10 months to process.
Loss of a job or death in the family is a sudden and jarring adjustment that requires IMMEDIATE processing. A loss of a job is actually incorrect. Most people ACT LIKE the change is immediate, when it is not.
We may lose our job, but no repo man is arriving at your door IMMEDIATELY to possess your home THAT DAY. But we act like we do because the Fear System gets activated with the Change and the Improbable Fiction is created.
The Disciplined Mind will lose the job, remain calm, and soothe and reassure themselves, avoiding the Improbable Fiction.
How often are you getting carried away with Improbable Fictions? How often is your Fear System interfering with The Stages of Processing?
This is a Discipline of the Subconscious Mind that I teach in my Masterclasses. More information is available here.