“Emotions are illogical.”
It is the biggest lie, the biggest gaslight that has been done to us. And we all fell for it. Every one of us.
This is a core belief that has been ingrained in us from infancy. “Emotions are illogical,” we were told. “Don’t do that.” “Don’t cry.” Don’t whine.” Don’t talk.”
Yesterday, I experienced something dreadful that, when used with my Cognitive Core, my emotions were not just highly logical, they saved my and my daughter’s life.
This is the story of how years of trauma exposure honed my Cognitive Core to unusual heights of awareness so I could use my emotions to assess danger and the best course of action when she and I were purposely corralled into a sex traffic ring in.
The Cognitive Core
The Cognitive Core is the part of our subconscious that produces emotions. Emotions are a direct result from our balance or imbalance of our Cognitive Core. Imagine the Cognitive Core as the primary Energy source of a space ship. This is the thing in the center that determines that everything is A-okay. It’s the thing that turns red and blares an alarm, when things are not.
The gaslight “Emotions are illogical” invalidates the Cognitive Core and shuts it down.
When the Cognitive Core is down, abusers can do pretty much whatever they want to you, and the signals that would be going off to warn you about the danger, and inspire you to act and protect yourself, are disabled.
But when you know that “Emotions are logical,” you listen to them. You plug into them and you validate them. This keeps you alert to danger and provides you with the motivation to act and keep you safe.
Fortunately, for my daughter and I, I went through the therapy to reactivate my Cognitive Core and I got to see just how effective emotions are when they are used properly.
This story goes back to 2020. In short, I fell in love with a man who turned out to be a pedophile. After trying my best to heal him, I dumped him. I couldn’t handle the level of filth and darkness. I couldn’t handle the things he told me. I ended up in the mental hospital.
We met at a location for our one date and, yesterday, that location is exactly where my daughter and I ended up. I was looking for a marijuana pipe, so I went down the street, in the direction I had seen that former love of mine go three years ago. The feeling of “wrong” hit me hard. Every time I’ve been in that area, one of my favorite places in Manhattan, I felt it looming just across the street. I always stayed away from that area.
Yesterday, I walked right into it.
The feeling of “wrong” doubled. My guard went up. My 15 year old daughter was with me. I located a marijuana shop and, leaving my daughter outside, I went in to shop their pipes. They had none. I thought that was weird. Really weird. I asked where I could find a pipe and the lady behind the counter, too enthusiastically, I mean, REALLY enthusiastically said, “yes! Just go down there, turn left and keep going, it’s down there near the end of the block then turn the corner, just keep going. Be SURE you turn LEFT!”
Again, I thought that was weird how excited she was, I collected my daughter and we turned left. It was a long block. People were getting scarce and no shops were visible. I turned the corner and found myself in the largest, darkest alley I had every seen. Immediately, men started walking toward us. I grabbed my daughter’s hand and said, “We’re leaving.”
We both felt it. The amount of “Evil.” “Filth.” “Danger” that rolled out of that alley.
We walked fast, back toward the marijuana shop, when I spotted it. A second shop. Almost right next door to the first weed shop I had visited where they told me to turn left. I thought, “That’s weird. Why did she direct me down toward the alley when there was another weed shop right here? Maybe they’re competitors?”
My daughter expressed she was hungry so we went into a little food shop a few doors down. We ordered our food and were told it would be awhile. We were directed to sit. While we waited, one of the men was still following us. He walked into the shop, in broad daylight, and openly approached my daughter asking her for a quarter. It was the look he gave her. I was trafficked once. I was a sex slave once. I know what it feels like to be on the menu. I know exactly how he was looking at my daughter.
I stood and said, “No. We’re leaving.” I calmly took my daughter and left.
It was the complete inaction and indifference of the shop owner. How many times have we seen shop owners scream at the homeless who come in and harass their patrons? Yet these ones didn’t. That man was so bold as if he had done that a million times in that area.
I remember the excitement around my daughter and I. As if a new delivery truck had just arrived.
I remember the feeling of “Filth” that rolled through the air.
I led her out of there fast, back to the train. I was in shock. Kallan had taken over (my Protector Alter when things need to get done), and both my daughter and I completely wiped the memory until we were home safe.
Later that night, the memory jogged. And it all came back.
Now. Internally. This is what happened inside of my Cognitive Core.
I had a belief, that emotions are illogical. So I invalidated and dismissed those emotions always in the past. “Oh, they’re not real. They’re foolish, useless, and stupid. Emotions are illogical.”
I talk a lot on the Cognitive Core. I’ll review it here again.
Our Cognitive Core (I call it our Self-Identity) is made up of Five Elements:
Ethics * Beliefs (Thought) * Actions * Voice (Words) = Perspective
When our Ethics and our Beliefs (Thoughts) are in alignment, an emotion, Cognitive Harmony pours from our Cognitive Core. This is the feeling of calm, peace, happiness, love, gentleness.
But when we have misalignment, when our Ethics do not align with our Beliefs (Thoughts), our Cognitive Core produces Cognitive Dissonance. Those are the feelings of Confusion, discomfort, “something doesn’t feel right.” When left ignored, those emotions evolve into pain. The pain can develop so severely that re-wiring of the nervous system occurs, and trauma results.
Our Actions and our Voice are tools that are meant to enforce and protect the alignment of the Cognitive Core. Which toddlers and some children are very good at. People who are healthy and who can assert themselves, are very good at this. Anyone who’s Belief (Thoughts) has been altered, supplanted, corrupted by an abuser, struggles with this.
The Tampered Belief (Thoughts) now holds two beliefs: yours and the belief of your abuser. The Cognitive Core MUST be aligned. It seeks Alignment. It wants… it needs to be aligned. It is designed to correct for the Alignment. With two contradicting Beliefs (Thoughts) inside the Core, it pulls on Action and Voice to enforce a Belief (Thought). But it will always and only enforce the Belief (Thoughts) that is strongest.
And if the Belief (Thoughts) is corrupted by an abuser who’s beliefs contradict your ethic, you’ll have cognitive dissonance.
These elements, Ethics, Beliefs (Thoughts), Actions, and Voice (Words), when pooled together form our perspective.
A healthy, proper perspective can only occur when there is balance. When there is alignment.
The Cognitive Core seeks to protect our Perspective. That is really what is at stake here. A perspective, our ability to gauge a situation and determine a reality, our ability to understand our place in the world in relation to those around us. Our Perspective, what we can perceive, is the center of who we are. What we are. And our place in the world.
Our Perspective is our identity.
Our Cognitive Core is the Five Part System inside of our subconscious that constantly measures our alignment and Cognitive Health, and it uses emotions to communicate to us when the Perspective is being threatened by communicating through emotions and dreams, when the Five Elements of our Identity are misaligned.
By saying that “Emotions are illogical,” we are in fact, deactivating the Cognitive Core leaving nothing in place to protect our Perspective, leaving us susceptible to abuse and trauma.
The need to align our Cognitive Core is so strong, that if you use Thought to alter a Perspective and your Belief (Thought), the System, Ethics, Belief, Actions, Voice and Perspective, will SHIFT and align to match your new Belief. This is the power of Manifestation.